Review: 'Interplanetary'


Remember in my previous review of Exam how I discovered a gem of a movie I hadn't heard of before? Well, I discovered this one in the same video store.  Remember in my previous review of I Spit On Your Grave how I thought it was trash and you shouldn't even attempt to think about renting it?  Well, guess what?  DON'T EVEN ATTEMPT TO ATTEMPT TO THINK ABOUT THINK ABOUT RENTING THIS!!! (That was not a typo!!!)

You see the DVD cover?  What do you think?  What do you believe the film is about?  Well, WHATEVER you think it's about is WAY WRONG!  You see the reviews on the cover?  "Entirely too good to miss!"  LIE! "...intelligent and start-to-finish entertaining!"  AN EVEN BIGGER LIE!

I didn't even finish 20 minutes of this film without wishing I was eating rat poison!  I wish I was using a frying pan to bash my face in!  I wish I had someone tell me just how awesome this movie was! (that last one would be HELL!!!!)  Literally... this film looks cheap.  The acting was terrible and the story, useless.  I know some of you like the "so bad it's good" type movies but even those people may second guess themselves when watching this.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself, "You didn't even finish the movie to know what the plot was!" Well, my argument is.. if there isn't A SINGLE THING to interest you in the first 15-20 minutes of a film.. then why bother?  I mean, I'll be honest, I've seen introductions to movies that weren't that great but this one was just plain awful!  I mean, after two men discover a Martian hand and believe they are going to be rich and famous, one man gets shot and dies by another man.  After that, the other guy throws something at the man who shot the one guy in the helmet (did I mention that there are OBVIOUS glued on yellow arrows on the helmets.. I mean seriously????) and the man suffocates to death from the atmosphere.  Oh yeah.. I almost forget.. THEY ARE ON MARS!!!!!

I guess there was some kind of monster that attacks everyone and stuff cause I skimmed over the movie after I got bored and was like, "Wow!  This crap just got even worse!"  There are bodies being mutilated and blood and guts everywhere so if you like seeing characters who are only there to get their bodies destroyed, then I guess skip to the second half of the movie. (that last sentence was hard to type) But beware... this movie SUCKS!!!

What the hell is the point of all this???  We don't need to see a woman get naked for different men!  You're a freaking astronaut!!!  Or something like that.. I can't remember and I don't even want to remember.

So, I bet you can already tell how I feel about this film.  I was excited to see this. It looked interesting enough.  But I guess not all hidden treasures are gold. This hidden treasure was anything but.  It was trash though. Wet, dirty, stinking trash!!  Ah.. I love the smell of trash in the morning!  Where are the garbage people when you need them...

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